What You Don’t Know….Won’t Hurt You

Warning:  Mild cursing in this post.  Not anything out of the ordinary. I would let you know if the F word was in here and it is not, although it could be substituted for a few words and make it funnier.

I love black beans.  My daughter loves them too.  But my husband and her husband hates them.  I personally think it is because the beans do not look appetizing at all because they are solid black, like tiny hunks of charcoal or tiny pieces you see laying in the road from a blown out tire.  I have to agree.  BUT….they have a wonderful taste.  So husband and son-in-law really should try them, but they won’t.

A week ago, I cooked myself a pot of black beans.  Husband was not working that day and everytime he walked into the kitchen, he would look disgustingly at my pot of black beans and proclaim “I don’t see how you eat that stuff!”  I tried to assure him that they were indeed tasty and if he would just take a small bite after they were done, he would change his mind.  I would not be fibbing if I said that it would be one of the very last things that he would eat if he were truly starving of hunger.

I was so proud of my black beans.  I put some in a Rubbermaid container to take to work  to have as lunch.  I also took a small amount of shredded cheese to melt on top when I nuked them.  Also included was some Pace Picante sauce.  I felt kinda mexicano that day.  Oh and some garlic powder….can’t forget that!!   I called my daughter to tell her that I had cooked some black beans and we talked for a few minutes about how good they were and how stupid our husbands are for not liking them or even trying to taste them.

Lunch time rolled around and I was h-u-n-g-r-y.  I nuked the beans with the cheese on top.  Oh my, they sure looked good.  I put the Pace on the side.  I sat down in the control room and was chowing down like Porky Pig.  Yum, yum, yessir they were good.  My supervisor came in the door and was walking past me. He stopped and looked down at my plate and said “What is that stuff?”  I told him it was black beans and they are good.  He said anything that looked like tar could not be good. I told him to leave me alone so I could eat.  A few minutes later, my co-worker came in the same door and was walking by on his way to the kitchen.  He also stopped and said “WHAT is THAT???”  I told him it was black beans and they are good.  He said anything that is as black as his cell phone could not be good.  Humph!  Would ya’ll just leave me ALONE??????

They drink coffee don’t they?  I guess it is different somehow.

But I am going to get them all back with a little trick up my sleeve.  Have you heard of the recipe for black bean brownies?  It is a low-carb recipe and it is very healthy also.  No flour.  Yessiree I am going to buy 2 cans of black beans and hide them  in the pantry.  One day when husband is at work and I am home, I am going to make this recipe.   One for husband and one for work.  My husband is diabetic and anything that is called a brownie and has a little bit of sweet taste to it, he will love.  Poor guy, he has a bad time with that diabetes stuff and I will put stevia in the recipe for him.  I have only brought a cooked goodie from home to work one time.  It was St. Patricks Day.  I made a decadent chocolate cake with white icing that I had colored green with food coloring.  The guys at work wanted to know what I did to make the icing that green color.  I mean seriously…..do you think I would try to poison you or something?  Dammit it is St. Patricks Day for heavens sake!  So much jollyness at work. I vowed never again to spend my time cooking them a damm thing.  But I will make an exception for the black bean brownies.

It will be my pleasure to serve black bean brownies and not say a word to husband or co-workers.  I will wait until the next day before I tell my husband the truth.  Hey Honey, you know those black beans that you said were nasty/horrible/gross?  Well guess what?  You ate them yesterday in those delicious brownies.  He will be a little mad at me but he will get over it when he remembers how good they were.  And when I tell him that they are very healthy for people with diabetes he won’t hate me anymore.

But the thing that I am REALLY looking forward to is… when I wait a few days to tell those two guys at work.  I can see it now in my mind.  We get to work and we are drinking coffee talking about the work that needs to be done on our shift.  Then my overly fastidious supervisor will announce that he had to make an appointment with a GI doctor.  The other guy will say with much interest..”Yeah..what for?”   My supervisor will say that he pooped solid black and he thought death would soon be upon his door….the dreaded colon cancer.  He screamed at his wife “Honey….get in here RIGHT now and look at this black shit!!!!!  I am going to die!!    The other co-worker will say “Damm!!! The same thing happened to me!!  About the black shit I mean…not that I screamed at my wife like a wimp…”   At that time I will fall out of  my chair laughing and say “You guys are killing me here!!!!   You are not going to die.  You just ate some black beans in the brownies!!!!!

They will never eat another thing that I bring to work.  That’s okay too.  But the funny thing is….they will forever more be..just..a..little..afraid..of..me.  And when I show up to work again with black beans…all I can say is they better not say a word.


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